We are more determined than ever to complete our adoption, despite the recent setbacks and disappointments. We will be updating with more information soon on how our adoption process has changed, how we've adapted to these changes, and what we've learned from our experience with a failed match. We've also got some fun and exciting changes planned for this little blog! :) Although we haven't updated recently, there have been lots of changes and progress on the adoption front - we've just been working through some things before making any announcements.
Stay tuned, we promise to post more frequently in the near future! Until then, here is an adorable fall picture of Finnley!
Monday, October 6, 2014
A few weeks ago, we joyfully shared with the world that we had been chosen by a birth mother in Texas who was due in December and that our long road to bringing a baby home was finally nearing an end. We should have thrown in a tiny disclaimer that things can change at a moment’s notice…
Although we knew it was a possibility, we had hoped it wouldn't happen to us: a failed match.
Honestly, it is difficult to find the words to explain what happened. There are still many unanswered questions….and we will likely never fully understand the reasons why, but our match began to fall apart about 10 days ago. After a confusing sequence of events, we heard the words no adoptive parents can imagine hearing from their agency: “We have reason to suspect your birth mother is not actually pregnant.”
We did everything right. We hired an adoption consultant (who has been AMAZING throughout this entire ordeal), we matched with a birth mother working with an agency, and we followed all the rules.
But there is always a certain level of risk involved in adoption. Thankfully, we found out fairly early and didn't go months’ thinking a baby was coming, only to find out that one never existed.
Our birth mother had all of last week to prove that she was pregnant with a blood test. She did not comply. On Friday, our match was officially over.
The money we lost for “birth mother expenses” and won’t see again wasn't the hardest part by a long shot. The first weekend after finding out there might not be a baby for us to adopt was the worst. Waiting all of last week to find out if she would or would not complete the blood test was difficult. Learning that she had not complied with the blood test was upsetting. Telling Finnley that she was no longer going to be a big sister in December was heart-breaking.
We are still working through the emotions and still figuring out how best to move forward with our adoption plan. There are many decisions that still need to be made (some of which are out of our hands). At this point, we have very little sense of how long it may take us to match with a different birth mother.
This definitely was not our plan, but God has something wonderful in mind for us, so we trust in that. We are praying for healing and patience. We know our baby will come to us in God’s perfect timing, and until that time we appreciate your support and prayers.