Superstition - a belief or way of behaving that is based on fear of the unknown and faith in magic or luck
Adoption is full of unknowns. That must be why I find myself feeling superstitious so often. Where there is uncertainty, humans often have a tendency towards superstition, and a belief that the things we see are good luck.
When you’re deciding which route is best for you to expand your family, you look for signs that you’re picking the right path.
Our church is named after one of the patron saints of adoption.
When you’re looking to match with a birth mother, you look for anything in the limited information you get about that person to take as a “sign”. This continues when you’re matched.
We were both born in the same year as the birth mother.
Even after you meet the birth mother, you keep looking for signs that the mother will not change her mind and decide to parent the baby herself.
Her dog’s name is the same as one of my top 3 picks for the baby’s name.
Her dad has the same name (first and last) as a former U.S. Senator I’ve always admired.
The birth father told me I look just like an old friend of his, so much that he did a double take when he first saw me.
It’s easy to get sucked into superstition and believe that these things mean more than they do. But I’m sure many adopting families felt good about their match and saw many positive “signs” before that match fell through, for whatever reason.
In truth, looking for these signs probably says more about the constant fear you live with before the adoption is finalized than anything else. Because the fear is constant. A few nights ago, Christy told me she thought the hardest part in adoption would be waiting to get matched. But for us, it wasn’t. I think she was right. The hardest part is hoping you’ll hold on after you’re matched. Before you’re matched, you have less to lose. After you’re matched, you’re eggs are pretty much in one basket. Until that mother gives birth and signs the placement paperwork, all that time and money you’ve invested could be in vain.
The signs you see along the way can make you feel good, but we’ve decided that the best way to predict the future (and ease our fears) is to create the future. So we’re in constant talks with the agency to find out how things are going. We’re there to speak to our birth mother whenever she’d like and address whatever concerns she’s had. We’ve visited her and tried to learn more about her life and to make her feel confident that we’ll give that baby the right home. We’ve done our best to make sure she knows we care about her health, safety, and comfort as much as we do about our future little one.
Ask anyone who has gone through the adoption process and you’ll find out that most people’s paths had several unexpected twists and turns. Everything can change in a heartbeat. But I’m confident that with the hard work and united effort Christy and I have put forth, all signs point to a successful addition to our family.